“The Blueprint has always been Mom”
Exposing Who Really Raised South Africa’s Youth

There’s a pattern that continues to emerge... quiet, consistent, and impossible to ignore.

In survey after survey, conversation after conversation, South African youth keep returning to the same name, the same presence, the same source of strength. When you ask them who holds their world together, they don’t flinch: “It’s Mom.”

Not occasionally. Not in certain areas. In every way that mattered.

This generation of young South Africans is unlike any we’ve seen before. They are emotionally in tune, introspective, socially aware, and deeply overwhelmed. They are navigating complex identities, economic uncertainty, and cultural shifts in real time - all while searching for something deeply human: meaning, connection, and truth.

They are growing up fast. But not necessarily with both hands to hold…

So, we asked them, in honour of both Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, a question that goes to the heart of it all: Who really raised you?

And the answers revealed a sobering divide between two figures meant to stand shoulder-to-shoulder.

The results leave no room for doubt: Mom reigns supreme as the irreplaceable pillar in the lives of over 60% of South Africa’s youth. For 67%, she is the most important person in their family circle. A remarkable 68% credit her for providing the most holistic support, and 72% trust and turn to their mother more than any other family member, or any other human in their lives.

It’s not only about giving Mom the pedestal she unquestionably deserves - but also about shining a light on a silent crisis looming in the background: fatherlessness.

While mothers continue to carry the immense weight of emotional, physical, and even financial caregiving, the role of fathers reveals a deep and widening gap. This is not to say the youth are angry or bitter - far from it. There is a despondent collective understanding that this is a reality many face, yet beneath that acceptance lies a quiet knowing: this imbalance is not right. They want something better.

When it comes to fathers, the story is complex and troubling. Less than half (42%) of youth say their fathers are actively involved in their daily lives or show active interest in them personally, and only 51% feel their fathers consistently invest in their happiness and growth. Financial provision remains a primary role for 41%, albeit shockingly nearly one in five say their fathers do not contribute financially at all.

Yet, the youth’s call for change is deafening: 74% believe emotional support from fathers is just as important as financial provision, and a striking 90% feel fathers should be more emotionally involved in their children’s lives. And crucially, 90% strongly believe the role of fathers in South African homes needs to evolve.

This evolving perspective exposes a painful truth: 80% of youth agree that the lack of active fathers has negatively affected their generation’s view on fatherhood. For some, this absence has forced premature independence - 12% admit it made them grow up faster than they should have.

Despite this, there is no despair without hope. The youth aren’t just critical of what’s missing – they are vocal about what they want to change. Many express a strong desire to break this cycle, to be better fathers, and to redefine what fatherhood looks like in South Africa.

Delving deeper, the survey uncovers Mom’s total dominance across emotional, physical, and developmental roles:

      She is the safe harbour when youth are upset, offering comfort and guidance – over 64% say Mom provides emotional support; 57% say she consistently helps them manage anxiety or stress.

      She is affectionate, nurturing, and the primary source encouraging healthy emotional expression.

      Mom manages everyday essentials – from meals and healthcare to clothing and school logistics – 73% acknowledge mom for taking on all chores and home responsibilities.

      She instils values, fosters a sense of belonging, nurtures confidence, and inspires breaking harmful generational cycles.

      In education and self-growth, Mom is the steady hand - especially teaching life skills like budgeting, cooking, and fixing things.

      Even in traditionally male-coded roles: like making youth feel safe and secure, teaching practical skills, and providing structure - Mom leads without competition.

These aren't just acts of care. They are acts of labour - invisible, unpaid, and often undervalued. And perhaps what’s most glaring is this: fathers aren’t just absent emotionally. They’re absent in the work of parenting itself. From domestic chores to child-rearing logistics, youth see their mothers doing all of this heavy lifting alone.

Meanwhile, fathers only appear as financial providers  (and sparingly in the background at that too), but even in this, the youth are longing for much more - for emotional presence, active participation, and meaningful engagement.

This raises urgent questions for society: What kind of fatherhood are we cultivating? With mothers taking on so many roles - often under tremendous pressure - is this sustainable? And what impact will this have on the next generation of men?

Here’s some food for thought: Could the hyper-present, nurturing mother figure be shaping a softer generation? A generation more in touch with their feminine side? Might this be a blessing in disguise, fostering men who embrace both strength and vulnerability, who blend financial provision with emotional presence? This could herald a new era of fatherhood - more compassionate, more involved, more whole. Perhaps.

But for this hopeful shift to become reality, fathers must do more than simply exist in the background. They must want to show up - fully, emotionally, and physically - as active, loving participants in their children’s lives. The youth’s voices are clear: they don’t just want fathers to do more, they want fathers to WANT to do more.

Because, at the end of the day, a family isn’t made whole by mere presence - it’s made whole by presence that truly matters. Presence that wants to be there.

This calls on society to rethink how we support and encourage men to engage meaningfully in parenting. It challenges cultural norms that have long cast fathers as distant providers, pushing for a vision of fatherhood where emotional connection is not the exception, but the rule. It means creating safe spaces where men can be vulnerable, express care, and forge deep bonds with their children without fear of judgment.

And that includes dismantling the deeply embedded belief that caregiving and domestic responsibilities belong solely to women. If we want emotionally present fathers, we must also normalise fathers who change nappies, cook dinner, attend school meetings, and share equally in the day-to-day labour of raising children. True fatherhood isn’t just about presence - it’s about participation. Emotional and practical. Visible and consistent.

For the youth who have grown up in the absence of fathers, there is a quiet knowing: this gap has shaped them - but it will not define them. They are not waiting to be rescued. They are rising with intent. Many of them are already imagining a future where they become the fathers they never had - emotionally available, radically present, deeply invested. They strive to be fathers who show up, not just like a provider, but like a partner. Fathers, who in many ways… are just like Mom.

To the men raising children now - or hoping to one day - your children aren’t asking you to be perfect. They’re asking you to be there. They don’t need you to save them. They need you to see them.

This is how we honour the mothers who’ve held it all together – not just with applause, but with action. Not just with admiration, but with a shift. A shift that allows fathers to step in, step up, and stay – not as helpers, but as equal partners.

Because when both parents show up – not perfectly, but fully – that is when a family becomes whole.

And that, above all, is the legacy this generation is fighting for. Not just for themselves, but for the children they will raise - fully present, with both hands, and all their hearts.

Written by,
Jessica Lyne
YDx Research Analyst